For You "Fusty Plebeians"

I have neither the time nor energy to blog my own thoughts, so I thought I'd borrow from some others far superior to myself.

Yesterday, my mom and I, along with a good friend and fellow Shakespeare fiend, went to the Shakespeare festival at the Huntington Library. It was in honor of his 441st birthday. I cannot wait to get the pictures developed. I got a picture with The Bard himself. That one will be hilarious, I'm sure, and will be posted post haste.

Anyhow, the day consisted of sauntering about the grounds of the library and happening upon different acts of Shakespeare's plays being presented by a local troupe. It was delightful. The costumes were incredible, hence my desire to get my pics developed (darn those old fashioned 35mm cameras). My mom bought me two books, from which I must quote for your reading pleasure. The first book purchased is called Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit. The second is The Lady's Guide to Perfect Gentility (1856), by Emily Thornwell (good name). Both are incredible, and I know you'll love them. I'll toss you some quips from ol' Bill himself for now. Tomorrow, for a completely different post, I have to write about the gentility book.  So, here are some wonderfully wicked insults to hurl at friends, loved ones, and most importantly, enemies.

From Henry IV, Part 2:

"You are as rheumatic as two dry toasts."

"I will not excuse you, you shall not be excused, excuses shall not be admited, there is no excuse shall serve you, you shall not be excused."

~Excuse the comparison, but that one really reminds me of Dr. Evil's "Zip it" banter

From Henry VI, Part 2:

"Contemptuous base-born callet!"

"'Tis but a base ignoble mind that mounts no higher than a bird can soar."

"You obscure and lowly swain!"

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
(Amen!!)

Part 3:

"Farewell, sour annoy!"

Henry VIII:

"Wife of small wit!"

King Lear:

"Blasts and fogs upon thee!"

"Thou whoreson zed! thou unnecessary letter!"
(That's for you Muzzy and your "John Cleese" post. And, no, I didn't get the hoax part until now...you must remember I am blonde. :)

Measure for Measure:

"Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose."

"I pray a thousand prayers for thy death; No word to save thee."

Richard II:

"Go thou and fill another room in hell."

Richard III:

"Thou art unfit for any place but hell."

And one of my all-time favorite lines:

"Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes."

I tried to give quotes for many differing occasions. I hope these are wonderfully helpful to your daily routine. At the very least, think of them on the road. They might make you smile instead of making you want to kill. :)

Oh, and a note to all the absent liberals (first of all, where'd ya go?), you can expect me to pompously toss these in your face when you comment. Just a fair warning. I'll play dirty with my newly expanded Shakespearean vocabulary.