His Discontent in Winter

Bryant Gumbel: Society's Fault or One Man's Cry for Help?

On what sounds like an entirely riveting program, Bryant Gumbel, on his latest HBO show "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel," has said:

"And finally tonight the Winter Games. Count me among those that don't like 'em and won't watch 'em. In fact, I figure when Thomas Paine said, "These are the times that try men's souls", he must have been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because they are so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like try not to be incredulous when someone tries to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of Blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention!

Perhaps Mr. Gumbel has not had the privilege of viewing the masterpiece, Cool Runnings. Knowing that geographic locations, such as Africa, further away from Santa's chilly North Pole=hot climates/no snow, might have been valuable before speaking. These allegedly warm environments make it hard to participate in things such as: cross country skiing. Add to this lions, cheetahs and rhinos, and you've got a better recipe for extreme sports than for the less deadly Turino games, where an athlete has a better chance of ruining an ancient landmark than being mauled by a tiger.

His ridiculously ignorant, racist remarks have, however, given my brothers and me a fantastic new description for events containing more than three white people. Some examples include:

While watching a special on Thunderbird pilots, I asked, "Why aren't there any black pilots?" My brother replied, "Yeah, looks like a flippin GOP convention."

Dr. Phil's special on Valentine's Day (and NO, my parents didn't make me watch that with them or anything): GOP convention.

And that show with the four neurotic Jewish singles who nearly kill a boy living in a bubble? Yeah, you get the idea.

On a side note: Apparently, HBO has pulled the transcripts of that show. Rush Limbaugh gets axed for his description of a black player's performance. Bryant Gumbel decrying racism in the Winter Olympics? He'll probably get a raise.

One more aside: Starbucks coffee to whomever can name the source material of the first line of this post. And my relatives don't count! Jon...