"An open apology to the aliens who abducted me and on whom I caused great pain while having a panic attack aboard the mothership."

I am writing this as an open response to the former MoD Chief Nick Pope's article stating that Aliens prefer the Brits. My response:

WHAT ABOUT AMERICA?!

What's so wrong about an extraterrestrial invasion in another part of the world, huh? Oh, you Brits are sooooo stuck up, but I didn't think you were that stuck up. What, would you get jealous if The Aliens went off abducting people from some other nation? It's not like you guys are an item or anything. I just thought it was an 'open' relationship. My bad!

I believe that The Aliens are more likely to invade here in America first, launching their global attack from the bases they set up after decimating our cities and enslaving the survivors. It will be from America that our new Alien Overlords will rise up and crush all other nations before their slimy fist or tentacle or possibly Amoebic protoplasm of doom.

They landed here first (well, if you can call that an landing), and the will invade here first. We, in the US, had the first religion with Aliens in their belief system (Google "Joseph Smith + Moonmen"), and we will be the first ones to be conquered. Yes, it is true that "Crop circles" were first discovered in the UK, however those were merely created by "unbelievers" out to taunt and tease those of us who eagerly await the chains of our Almighty Alien Overlords.

So, "Why America?" you might ask yourself. Here's why:
1. Although we're not the largest land mass in the World, we do have Oklahoma. Believe it or not, The Majestic Almighty Alien Overlords prefer states that they can handle. Literally.
2. "To Serve Man". You know, that old Twilight Zone episode. That wasn't fake. That idea came to the writer through trans-galactic psychic waves sent out by the All-Powerful Majestic Almighty Alien Overlords. They're really hungry and no place on earth can you snatch up an intergalactic meal. I mean, do you honestly believe that the overly obese population of America can outrun an Intergalactic Cruizer? I think not. (Also, I think this should serve as a warning to my good friend Michael Moore. Ya need to follow in Peter Jackson's hobbit sized footsteps and loose a few.)
3. Three Words: In-N-Out. Alright, so that's technicaly three words hyphenated into one word, but still, you get the picture. They can't restist a good Double-Double Animal style...

I could go on, but I'm afraid it would only help bring about the Alien Apocalypse. It's not that I don't welcome it, I'm just not finished making the huge "I'LL BE THE FIRST HUMAN HOST FOR YOUR GLORIOUS ALIEN RACE" sign to place on the roof of my house.

TTFN, and remember, they're always watching...even when you're sleeping (They're a bit creepy, but you'll get used to it.)

- Nasa Nerd